Self-Compassion Isn’t Lowering Your Standards
Many people come into counselling to “feel better” without realizing what their body has gone through or overcome. Often, in the first few sessions, people will come with many questions for me that I cannot simply answer. I often explain that this work is ongoing and truly is a journey based on your environment, growth, and needs that are ever-changing. Trauma influences how you can regulate emotions, maintain relationships, and engage in social settings (John N. Briere & Catherine Scott, 2015).
Often, trauma can be discussed in a negative context, but it also provides some beauty with how people become overachievers, constantly striving from a place of wanting more and never feeling completely happy with where they are at or how far they have come. Overachieving, working multiple jobs, juggling everyone’s demanding schedules, and managing endless responsibilities have become the norm in the hustle culture we are immersed in. We are constantly striving for more for ourselves while trying to keep up with everyone else’s expectations.
Hustle Culture
We are inundated with hustle culture all around us. We have normalized this culture of never being happy with the current state of the job, success, wealth, body size, shape, or social circle we have built for ourselves (Assariy et al., 2024). The culture of scarcity has put a great toll on how people feel about themselves, as we are constantly consuming everyone’s highlight reel on social media, only emphasizing their highs and not documenting their lows.
The constant state of a “go-go” mentality can cause increased symptoms of anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, and burnout. Hustle culture occurs from the pressures of keeping up with social calendars, to-do lists, the several hats we wear, family responsibilities, and the labour market. Many people are struggling with keeping up with perfectionism or the idea of it. This leaves us questioning: How can we do it all?
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is not a one-size-fits-all. It can often look like this:
constantly moving the goalpost
struggling to celebrate accomplishments that you have worked so hard for
debilitating fear of failure
comparing yourself to others
feeling guilty when resting
equating achievement with worth
You are not alone in feeling this way, this is a common struggle many of us face and do not talk about.
How Counselling Can Help Us Navigate Life’s Pressures
Finding space for you and your needs can start with simply carving out time to slow down and find what is important to you. As human beings, we are constantly growing and learning to find our authentic voices, rather than moulding ourselves to meet the expectations of our environments whether within in family dynamics, the workplace, or social circles.
Counselling can be a foundation where:
you learn who you are
what you want to work towards
what areas in life deserves your attention
The real reason to come to counselling is explore your identity, learn to regulate your nervous system in ways that honour your needs, and navigate your surroundings in ways that best serve you.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is not about lowering your standards; it is about learning how to be kinder to yourself. Research shows how self-compassion is not just about feeling good but has the power to shift your thinking in order to encourage personal growth and resilience (Jaffe, 2025). A significant number of studies show that people who practice self-compassion are more resilient and allow failures to push them towards opportunities for growth. It fosters improved efficacy in your life and motivation. If we simply talked to ourselves like we talk to a friend, it would reduce our cortisol levels, stress hormones, and increase the production of oxytocin, which is the “love hormone” our bodies make.
The three pillars of self-compassion are:
Self-Kindness
Common Humanity
Mindfulness
When referring to self-kindness, this means treating yourself with the same patience and understanding you would offer a friend (Jaffe, 2025). Instead of picking yourself apart for mistakes you’ve made, it is allowing yourself to learn, grow, and move forward intentionally. Common humanity allows you to release yourself from the burden of struggling with stressors or pressures alone. Imperfection is part of the human experience. Mindfulness is about noticing your thoughts and emotions without immediately judging yourself or ending up in a downward spiral. Instead of negative thought patterns causing havoc, you can acknowledge what you are feeling, give yourself a moment, and respond with more clarity.
You don’t have to keep striving for perfectionism; counselling can help you build a life where you can strive for more without losing yourself in the process.
Does that resonate with you? Book a free 20 minute virtual consultation!
References:
Assariy, M. Z., Hersari, N. I., Sitorus, N. A., Arifin, S., & Faisal, F. (2024). Literature review: The influence of hustle culture on mental health. AIP Conference Proceeding, 304, Article 020024. https://doi.org/10.1063/5.0201952
Jaffe, A. (2025, January 23). Self-compassion for beginners. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/all-about-addiction/202501/self-compassion-for-beginners
John N. Briere, & Catherine Scott. (2015). Principles of Trauma Therapy (Kassie Graves, Ed.; Second Edition). SAGE Publications.
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